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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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