the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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