my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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