well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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