This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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