I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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