I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
