She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
