yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
