Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
