um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
