my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
