The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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