Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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