I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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