Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
