some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need to calm my uterus...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
