Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
