Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
