at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
