Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
