Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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