I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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