i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
