You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
