ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
