So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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