It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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