I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
