had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
