What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
