I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
