The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
