I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
