he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
