I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
