I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
