My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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