Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
