I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
