After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
