4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
