I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
