Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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