How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
