why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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