All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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