God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need water and some morals
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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