I think I died a long time ago.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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