I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
