woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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