How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
