I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
