Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
