Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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